mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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