3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
