cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
