He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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