the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
