dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's the barista slut.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
