What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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