did you get engaged???
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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