I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
