Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
