remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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