When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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