My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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