Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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