I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
