hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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