pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
