somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
