Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
