I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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