Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
