he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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