I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
