dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
