It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
