The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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