My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
