So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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