so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
