The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
