I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
