and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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