ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
