His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
