I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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