Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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