Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
