Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
