He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
