i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
