like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
