There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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