i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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