Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
