I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
