Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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