Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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