he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
