Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
