just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
