I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
