What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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