The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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