Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
