hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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